Parties of the Third Kind
by Icy Fire 7
Summary: When Sonic gets a little too comfortable in the Smash Mansion, he invites all of his friends over to enjoy the fun. But can Sonic's friends and the Smashers last even a week together without going insane? "There's so many of them!" "It's Sega; what did you expect?"
1. Sonic's Friends

It was Mega Man's first morning in the Smash world, and already he felt horrible. Why, you ask? Well, because he was looking down the barrel of Samus's blaster, his only source of protection and guidance Snake was unconscious on the floor, and he had six girls (well, seven if you considered Jigglypuff female) glaring down at him, accusing him of being a pervert. Not exactly the best morning.

"You'd better have a damn good reason explaining why you're here," Samus growled, shoving her gun closer to his face.

Mega Man gulped, and tried to come up with an answer, but all that came out of his mouth was unintelligible gibberish.

"Answer me!" Samus yelled. "Or you will soon find yourself without a head."

Mega Man was sure his end was near, until someone put a hand on Samus's shoulder. It was Rosalina. "Calm down, Samus," she said softly. "I'm sure we can get answers without violence."

Mega Man's systems began to heat up as Rosalina walked towards him. If robots could blush, he would be beet red right now. She wore a long bathrobe similar to her usual dress, but he already knew what was under that robe. Never would he get out of his mind the image of her splayed out across her bed, wearing nothing but a black, lacy nightdress that practically revealed everything...

Rosalina helped him up to his feet. "Now, care to explain why you are here?" Mega Man stared into her crystal blue eyes. She certainly wasn't as angry as Samus, but he could see disappointment in her eyes. That made him feel even worse. He didn't want her to think that he was just like Snake - an immoral, desire-driven guy who objectified women. That wasn't him; that would never be him. He had to convince her of that. He had to convince her that he was above that, that he would never stoop to such a low level.

"When I woke up, I saw that both Snake and Sonic weren't in bed. I went to go look for them, mainly Sonic because I know what kind of trouble he can get into. But I found Snake first, right at your door, peeking in like a teenaged boy. I went to go stop him, but then..."

"Then what, Rock?" Rosalina said imploringly.

Mega Man looked away; her gaze was hypnotic. "You wouldn't believe me."

"This is the Smash Mansion; as far as I've been told, nothing is unbelievable here."

He closed his eyes. How was he supposed to explain that he and Snake had been attacked by a cute little creature that no one had ever seen and then just happened to fall into this room? Well, no point in trying to lie; he wasn't even programmed for that. He opened his mouth to answer, when they heard an unexpected knock at the window. Samus went over to open it and saw none other than Sonic sitting by the window with his usual cocky grin.

"Hello, ladies," he said. "What are you all doing up so early? And Mega Man? Why are you here?" He shook his head, a smirk on his face. "I didn't think you were one for spying on girls."

"I-I'm not!" Mega Man protested. "I would never-"

"What do you want, Sonic?" Samus said, narrowing her eyes.

"Cranky as usual, I see," Sonic said. "You know, I wonder if your time of the month isn't just every day."

Sonic was met with a punch to the face.

"Ow!" Just as Samus was about to smash the window down on Sonic's fingers, he said, "Hey, wait! I didn't mean that, okay? I just wanted to know if you saw a little blue marshmallow-looking creature with a cute little bowtie anywhere around here."

"We saw no such-"

"Chao, chao?" A tiny creature peeked out from behind a basket. It matched Sonic's description perfectly, and it was just about the cutest thing any of them had ever seen.

"Oh my goodness!" Peach said, immediately running up and gushing over the little critter. "It's so adorable!"

"Don't get close to it!" Mega Man warned, but it was too late. The blue puffball got scared when Peach came towards it, and then it hissed at her and locked its jaws on her arm.

"Aaaaaaah!" She tried to shake it off, but the creature would not let go. Sonic groaned, as if used to this, and then jumped into the room and tried to pry the creature's mouth off of the princess's arm.

"Cheese, let go!" he said. "Cheese, I swear if you don't let go this instant, you can forget about having any of the strawberry cheesecake Cream promised."

The little thing, oddly named Cheese, reluctantly let go. Luckily, it had no teeth, so it didn't leave any marks on Peach's arm, but Peach stumbled back and held her arm as if she had been mortally wounded. The creature scrambled out of Sonic's arms and hid behind him, fearing that another one of those girls would attempt to smother it like Peach had tried.

"Sorry there, Peach," Sonic said. "Chao usually aren't violent; it's just that Cheese hates it when anyone tries to fuss over her. Except for Cream, that is." He turned to the scared Chao. "C'mon, Cheese. Let's get you back to Cream now. I think you should leave the adventuring to the professionals."

Cheese was more than happy to end her little adventure. Sonic scooped the Chao into his arms, hopped out the window, and said a quick "See ya!" before dashing off to who knows where.

It was then when Mega Man realized that the main reason he was in this entire mess was getting away. "Hey, wait! Sonic, don't-"

But by the time he got to the window, Sonic had already disappeared.

"Great. Sometimes I wish that hedgehog wasn't so fast." He turned to the girls behind him, who just looked at each other in question. "Um, I should probably go after him and see what he's up to, but I just want to say that I'm really, really, really, sorry for all this trouble I've caused you."

Rosalina gave him a small, reassuring smile. "It's alright, Rock. I believe you were telling the truth. And I'm sure everyone here believes that you had nothing to do with this, right?"

The girls seemed mostly forgiving to him. Peach and Zelda smiled and nodded their heads, Jigglypuff hopped around and said nonsense words, and Nana simply nodded slowly, wanting so much to just get back to sleep. Wii Fit Trainer was as silent as ever, and Samus just huffed and crossed her arms, not entirely convinced that Mega Man hadn't been spying.

Mega Man gave a small smile, figuring that that was good enough. He made to go out the window, but then remembered that he had forgotten someone. "Do you want me to take Snake out of here, or...?"

"Not just yet," Rosalina said, an almost evil glint in her eyes. "We will deal with him on our own."

Mega Man looked at her in surprise. The way she glared at Snake's unconscious body and the way Samus was starting to smile cruelly made him fear for Snake's life. He just smiled nervously and jumped out the window, wondering what horrible things the girls had in store for Snake when he woke up.

He circled around the mansion. Where could Sonic have gone? Mega Man was sure he had come this way-

He suddenly ran into a massive wall of purple fur. Whatever he had run into stood unmoved, but he stumbled back and fell. Then he found himself looking up at a gargantuan purple being holding a fishing pole.

"Oh, I'm sorry, robot man," the being said, looking down at him with small, yellow eyes. "By the way, have you seen Froggy?"

Mega Man was just about to ask what the heck he meant, when he noticed that this big animal wasn't alone. Mega Man suddenly found himself surrounded by an assortment of odd people. Flying ones, speedy ones, big ones, small ones, robotic ones, and everything in between. Outside of the Smash Mansion, Mega Man had never seen so many different people in the same place.

"Hey, Mega Man!" He turned to see Sonic coming up to him. "What are you doing out here?"

Mega Man was too awestruck to answer him. He just looked around, trying to form words but finding himself unable to do so.

"Hey, don't turn into a blowfish on me," Sonic joked. "Say what you've got to say."

"Who are all of these people, Sonic?" he managed to say.

"I thought you might ask that." He spread out his arms dramatically. "Say hello to all my friends."

"Your _friends_? All of them?"

"Well, I guess not all of them. Some of them are my enemies, but I thought, why not let them come along, too? And then there are my many rivals-"

"Why are they even here?"

"Well, I feel so welcome here, and every day is just a bucket-full of fun, I thought I would invite my friends over to enjoy the fun, too."

Mega Man looked at Sonic as if he had gone insane. Sonic seriously didn't he think that he was able to just invite all his friends over on a whim, did he? He then turned to the enormous group of Sonic's friends. He knew Sonic had more friends than most people, but he didn't think Sonic knew this many people. He was certain that Sonic would not be allowed to bring in all of his friends into the Smash Mansion. But if he could...Mega Man couldn't even think of all the trouble that would emerge.

"I really should have just stayed in bed," Mega Man said to himself.


	2. What's Wrong With Organics

Apparently, the rule book didn't specify a limit to how many friends you could invite, so Sonic got off scot-free. Master Hand did get very upset when he first heard the news, but Sonic somehow convinced him to let his friends stay for a while (but he still had to get them out of the mansion in at least a week). No one knew how Sonic of all people could convince Master Hand to change his mind and not give him any punishment when he had never done so for anyone else. Until they saw Master Hand toting around his newly-hatched Chao pet.

It seemed like everyone wanted one of those things now. They were cute, friendly (for the most part), loyal to their owners, easy to train, and even formed the same personality of their owners. The perfect pets, they were. Even the girls had gotten over the incident with the Chao named Cheese and had gotten themselves their own Chao. But not Peach; she was still convinced that they were all evil.

While Mega Man found the Chao to be somewhat cute, he seemed to be one of the only other Smashers who didn't want one. He already had Rush, and he didn't want to deal with another pet. Besides, he found those Chao too weird and questionable (and undoubtedly too smart) to be pets.

Especially with the Chao Cheese staring far too intently at him with her big blue eyes.

"I think Cheese likes you," said Cheese's owner Cream. She was a cute little rabbit with doe-like brown eyes and the best manners of any six-year-old he had ever met.

"Um, sure." Mega Man was really creeped out by Cheese, but that didn't stop the little thing from liking him. Everywhere he went now it seemed like the Chao was there, smiling at him with that deceivingly innocent smile or that odd, emotionless stare that creeped the bejeebers out of him. But Cheese never failed to look absolutely adorable doing it.

Cheese got tired of the staring contest between them and drifted away to the window. Her bored expression brightened when she looked out the window. She called to Cream in her weird language of... Mega Man didn't really know what to call it exactly.

"What is it, Cheese?" Cream said, joining her friend at the window. "Oh, I see it! You found a nice patch of beautiful flowers." The rabbit turned and smiled. "Mr. Mega Man, Cheese and I want to go pick some of those flowers. Could you please take us to it?"

Mega Man rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. Picking flowers with a little girl? Yeah, that would do _wonders _to his reputation. Not that he cared; he was a robot, and robots didn't care for such petty things. "Well, um, why can't you just go on your own?" He winced, thinking that had sounded a little rude, but Cream didn't seem to register it.

"But my mama always says that I need to have a trusted grown-up with me whenever I go to an unfamiliar place. You're the only one here that I know. Oh, would you please take us to the flower patch?"

"Well, I am flattered that you trust me so much, but..." He glanced at her and nearly lost all of his resolve when he saw Cream putting on the most adorable and heart-wrenching look of pleading he had ever seen. He was still getting used to the idea of cuteness, but even he knew that Cream looked far beyond cute now. It was hard to say no to a face like that. "Oh, alright. But only for a little while."

Cream smiled. "Yay! Thank you very much, Mr. Mega Man. Come on, Cheese. Let's gather lots of flowers so we can make a flower crown for our new friend." The two ran out the door, Mega Man following behind, though not as enthusiastically. A flower crown...yeah, he definitely wasn't going to wear that.

* * *

About ten minutes later, Cream and Cheese finished their flower-collecting. Mega Man watched as Cream placed a carefully crafted flower crown on Cheese's little head, which the Chao seemed to be ecstatic about. He still didn't know what was so special about flower crowns, but it seemed to be very important to the young rabbit, and she insisted that he take one. He told her that he would accept one later, but he didn't even notice it when Cheese later placed one on his head anyway, which he wouldn't discover until hours later. The little rascal.

"There are still so many crowns I want to give out." Cream said to no one in particular. "Amy always loves my flower crowns. So does Charmy, but it always seems like he tries to eat them. I would like to give one to Mr. Shadow to cheer him up, but I think he just throws them away every time I try. Maybe I can give some to some of the Smashers..."

She suddenly trailed off and stopped walking, her ears twitching. "Did you hear that?"

At first, Mega Man didn't hear anything, but when he tuned his auditory receptors he could hear a distinctly feminine moan. Then he heard a second person grunt and let out a husky cackle, but for what reason, he wasn't sure.

"I think someone might be in trouble!" said Cream. Mega Man was sure that wasn't the reason, but before he could stop her, Cream was already running around the corner to the source of the sound. He ran after her, but she had already disappeared. She was fast for a little girl.

The previous sounds he had heard before had ceased, and he could hear muffled words being exchanged. He then saw Cream and Cheese emerging from a door at the end of the hall. Cream looked confused while Cheese just stared ahead with her small mouth hanging open.

"So...no one was in trouble?" he asked as she approached.

"Not at all," Cream said, shaking her head. "I found Princess Peach and Bowser in that room. It looked like Miss Peach was in trouble with Bowser on top of her like that, but she explained it to me."

"...Did she now?"

"Well, not everything. She just told me that they were playing a game, but..." She looked up at him in question. "What kind of game do you play without your clothes?"

"A game that you don't have to worry about yet, Cream." Mega Man really hated keeping knowledge from anyone, but he had learned that there were some things that organic creatures deemed unsuitable for children to learn or know. He didn't understand why; they would learn it eventually anyway. The main reason he kept Cream in the dark was because he liked her with her innocence.

He could see why Cream was so confused. He had felt the same way when he had also walked in on the two the other day. Let's just say he found out why Bowser had so many kids with a nameless mother. He did not understand what was so enjoyable about coupling for reproduction. Wasn't that all the action was good for?

"Come on, Cream," he said to change the topic. "Let me help you give out those flower crowns."

"Yay!" she said, clasping her hands and jumping up and down. "Let's go."

As she took his hand and pulled him down the halls, he wondered how her mood could change so quickly.

He would just never understand organics.

* * *

**Okay, when I look back at what I wrote, I start to realize that I'm just not funny at all.**

**Oh, wow. I made a little joke about sex. Like that's never been done before.**

**Sorry if this is a disappointment for some of you. If you haven't given up on this yet and have made it this far, feel free to give me suggestions for the next chapter. I seriously need them.**


End file.
